Probably More Than You Want to Know

You know, so many wrestle with when to tell people they are pregnant. I really never thought I would miscarry, so when we found out that we were pregnant this time we shared with everyone very early--even Cookie. That was the hardest thing for me so far. Telling him on his level--not too much information, but just enough so that he could understand what had happened on a 7 year old level. He was so hurt.  He has such a big heart, and he is so transparent. I love that about him. He is o.k. with it now, but that really sucked big time. What a punch in the gut.

So, you know I was kinda banking on the fact that the odds of nothing bad happening that was pregnancy related were in our favor. I am not going out to buy any lottery tickets any time soon, let me tell you. I guess that's just not the way it is going to work for us, which I admit is very unsettling.

Seeing the heartbeat at the first appointment was reassuring, but I am thankful that my OB was so tactful that she was able to begin to prepare me for the possibility even then. But, that was one long weekend waiting for the follow-up ultrasound. Once we found out there was no heartbeat it was like someone had died, but we couldn't have the funeral. Having the D&C was such a relief that I am not sure I have been able to process much else since I got that behind me. I keep waiting on it to really hit me. It is definitely a process.

I am so thankful for what I have. I have thought so much about how much more awful it is for women to miscarry who have no children. I am so thankful for my family. The day of the follow-up ultrasound I just wanted to get home and be with my boys - to just look at them and hug them. The fact that life goes on is so good for me. To not be able to stop for too long is good for me too, I think. Focusing on what I do have is what I need to do. It's what we all need to do, right?

I am again thankful for my support system. The fact that my friends and family continue to stick by me, and don't run for the hills is such a good feeling. I have felt so loved by you all. The flowers, the cards, the phone calls, the prayers... the fact that you give me my space, but keep coming back to check on me. Thanks. I haven't forgotten how great my support system is since Nosey was born, but this has been a great reminder. My cup runneth over. Despite what has happened, I see how blessed I am. I have the best husband in the world, and the best friends and family anyone could ever hope for.

Baseball and Brotherly Love

You know, I love being a mom. Today I woke up with the same migraine I had gone to bed with. Luckily Jana was with Tater Tot, so I went back to bed, and when I got up I was so pleased to be headache-free that I whisked Chris away from his desk, and we went to the school to surprise the boys at lunch. We got to see Cookie and Nosey. And, it is so cool to see No-No at school. He is pretty popular, ya know. His assistant says she can't make it down the hall with him without being stopped by several students all wanting to say hello to him. He is cute, I know, but it really does feel good as a mommy to see that he has a special place at his school. He is known wherever he goes, and I am confident that he is well loved. He has been spending a good bit of time in the regular classroom for art and music. I know he has really enjoyed it, and apparently the other students have too.

So, Nosey had his first baseball game with the Charleston Miracle League and apparently made it into the Summerville newspaper. I have yet to get a copy of it, but it's hanging up at school already. He is a star once again.

Anyway, the game last weekend was priceless. They run that program like a well oiled machine. I expected to be impressed by my boy playing ball, but I was blown away by how well things ran. It was so much fun being there. All the kids were at varying developmental levels, and they made the game of baseball as relevant to each child as possible. Each child had a buddy that stayed with him/her the whole game. Nosey hit for himself the first time he was up at bat, but the second time up Cookie hit for him and even ran the bases with him. Cookie says that Nosey's baseball team is even cooler than his was last Spring. He is such a good big brother--it makes my heart sing!

I wish I had a picture, but of course I don't. I don't think a picture would capture the moment fully anyway. I need to have it on film. Anyway, yesterday when Nosey got up from his nap Tater Tot crawled up on his bed and kissed Nosey all over, and then started to tickle him. No-No was cracking up. He just couldn't stop giggling. It was the cutest thing to see their brotherly relationship. Words aren't necessary at all between brothers. Nothing could feel better than that to me.